It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she looked like the before picture.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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