What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
