I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
