sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
