I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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