Who did Billy Mays play for?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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