the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
