I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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