eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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