he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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