Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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