Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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