What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
