i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
