well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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