Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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