First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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