Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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