apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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