I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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