I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This baby is an asshole
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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