I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
