We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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