She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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