If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
