shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
