I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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