The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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