ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
