I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
