I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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