hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
