how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
