her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All the doctor said was why
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
