I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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