A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
