enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
