Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
