I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
