I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
