everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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