um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
