Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
