I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You can't special order awesome
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
