you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
