been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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