Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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