Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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