Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
