Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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