the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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