video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
