that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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