singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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