I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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