even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
