meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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