Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize