So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
