Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
