Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
