There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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