These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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